5 Ways for Women to Emotionally Regulate
Emotion is always a tricky topic to discuss. Most people shy away from emotions because feeling uncomfortable isn’t pleasant so they quickly move on to another topic. Avoidance is always the easier alternative, right? It is better to ignore than to feel the pain of an unpleasant experience. Wrong!
If that sits too close to home, take a minute and be really honest with yourself. Is that really working for you? The problem you face when you don’t confront your emotions is it leaves you volatile and unregulated. Every day you face thousands of emotion-provoking experiences and you are hard-wired to find the negative storyline in every one of them. However, if you live in a state of ignoring or avoiding uncomfortable emotions, you live in a state of impulsivity. Your behavior is at the mercy of your emotions. Your emotions control you instead of you controlling your emotions.
Why is that a problem? That constant roller coaster of moods often deviates you from your values, inducing shame or guilt after emotionally overreacting in a situation. The continual cycle leaves you weary and exhausted. Your nervous system stays in a perpetual stress loop.
How would your life look if you knew you had a choice over your emotions?
“Emotion regulation is the ability to exert control over one’s own emotional state. It may involve behaviors such as rethinking a challenging situation to reduce anger or anxiety, hiding visible signs of sadness or fear, or focusing on reasons to feel happy or calm.”
— Psychology Today
Emotional regulation is the ability to stay calm under pressure while staying in line with your values. It is possible to be in control of your emotions. At the heart of emotional regulation is self-awareness and self-care. All it takes is a little practice of the following tips. Practice in low-value situations so that when you find yourself in a high-stakes situation, your body will fall back on your new regulation habit.
1. Get outside
The average American spends 98% of the time indoors, and yet your entire body system is regulated through nature. Spending so much time inside stifles your body’s natural ability to process in the way it was intended, and this includes your emotions. Electromagnetic fields (WiFi) and poor air supply are two factors that affect your mood. Spend 30 minutes outdoors daily. Find ways to incorporate outdoor time into your schedule by eating lunch outdoors, walking after work, or watching your favorite show on the back porch. Especially get outdoors if you are in an emotional tailspin. You’ll notice the calming effects immediately.
2. Breathe
As simple as this sounds, breathing is the most effective way to calm your nervous system. Set an alarm several times throughout the day and practice deep breathing to create a habit of resetting your nervous system. When you find yourself emotionally charged, if you’ve been practicing your breathing, you will be able to remain calm and assess the situation with discernment.
3. Keep a gratitude journal
Considering you naturally get hooked on the negative storyline, train your brain to set its sights on something positive instead. Write down 3-5 things you are grateful for every day. Research shows this practice to be highly effective when it comes to resilience.
4. Set healthy boundaries
There are three types of business: your business, my business, and the universe’s business. Only one of those you can control: your own! Too often, you may find yourself in other people’s business to your detriment. You cannot control the thoughts and behaviors of anyone else, and when you try, it’s a recipe for disaster. Stay in your business and set healthy boundaries with toxic people and toxic situations. If someone or something doesn’t align with your core values, they don’t deserve your emotional attention. If it’s not your business, stay out of it.
5. Emotional support
Understanding your emotional triggers provides context in a situation. When you know how the experiences of your past influence how you behave in the present, you can better understand why you react the way you do. Seeking the help of a therapist or coach to get to know yourself will be tremendously helpful when you are choosing to regulate emotionally. In addition to self-awareness, a professional guides you through current situations in order to make informed decisions on how you want to move forward.
When you choose to emotionally regulate you find balance, and you are more apt to judge each situation with clarity and behave accordingly. That doesn’t mean you won’t experience uncomfortable emotions, but armed with healthy regulation habits you’ll know how to stay at peace.